Thursday, May 26, 2022

The Pain

Wanted a wave -
was there even a ripple?

Mighty waterfall?
merely a trickle.

The sound and the fury
no louder than crickets

Mere seeds, remain buried
in forests of thickets

Brambles blocking
names etched in stone
blurred and reclaimed by rain.

Incessant silence
fragments of bone
are all that attest to the pain.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Oedipus Complex

The story of Oedipus always bothered me.

MacBeth, too. And for similar reasons.

Namely because, when told by an oracle or some witches what their futures were, both Oedipus (or, more accurately, his parents), and MacBeth do everything possible to avoid the prophesied Fate.

And, in doing so, they therefore assure said Fate comes to pass.

In each case, the Fate prophesied never would have come to pass if Oedipus' parents and Macbeth hadn't heard the prophecies to begin with.

It's maddening.

And it happened to me...

Many of you know the story - the bare bones anyway - of how I got sick.

What you probably DON'T know, however, is that it was the very fear of contracting Parkinson's Disease that led me on the path to developing it.

My grandfather died of Parkinson's Disease.

I watched him deteriorate for years, and it was the most horrifying thing I've ever witnessed.

At the time - and even now - I truly felt and feel that Parkinson's is one of the most terrible Fates that can befall someone, as one has to endure one's innate bodily functions abandon them, all the while cognitively knowing what's happening and knowing it will only get worse.

Knowing that you will suffer endlessly, and likely eventually die by suffocating on your own saliva.

I swore when I watched this happen to my grandfather that I would never let this happen to me.

And thus, when the gastro prescribed me Cipro AND a medicine whose warnings included medication-induced Parkinsonism, I decided to cease the Parkinsonism medication, instead of discontinuing the Cipro.

The Cipro gave me so many symptoms, I ran to doctors again, where I was given more antibiotics and iron - a combination known to science to cause lasting damage to the body - and was put on my current path that is mimicking Parkinson's Disease, and, can indeed cause it.

I have been sick for 7 years. I was a few years in when I discovered the literature that shows that overexposure to antibiotics has been found to be a cause of Parkinson's Disease.

I was a few years in when I discovered the literature that shows the epigentic changes that Cipro causes in the susceptible can lead to Parkinson's disease.

So, like Oedipus and MacBeth, I was running from a Fate I feared, and ironically that run landed me in the very spot I'd been striving to avoid.

Yes, I've always hated the stories of Oedipus and MacBeth. And now I am living them.