Tuesday, October 27, 2020

A Phone Call That Will Never Come

Like a teen, I wait by the phone, for a call that I know won't come.
I'm too old - too wise? - for this to bother me.

It bothers me.

I've a house to clean and pay for, a dog to clean and care for, a husband to clean and care for.
They're neglected.
I prefer to wait by the phone.
I prefer the pain precisely because it's so familiar
because it reminds me of a time when I was physically well but emotionally broken.
I long for the days of emotional brokenness
because the physical pain is just too hard.
I'd rather pine for a phone call
than scour the internet for cures
or clean house
or walk dog
or give my deserving husband my time.
My mind's
a gift I want to give
to a recipient
who remains unfound.
My mind's the best and worst of me -
I long to share it freely
with someone I've found
who exists
only inside it.
I reside there
which means I'm never present
even when you're around.
I hear you chatting.
It barely registers.
I won't remember
because I was somewhere else.
Waiting for a phone call that I know will never come -
that I hope WILL come -
just to prove me wrong
just to right old wrongs
just to change the same old song.
I wait for you because I want something new.
I wait for you because I'm a hypocritical Jew
who wants others to make the world better.
External stimuli to distract from the feelings inside -
feelings of inferiority
But then, we all want to be loved.
We all want to be loved.
So intellect - tell me:
what does it say that I seek it from
a phone call that will never come?

Sunday, October 25, 2020

BANG BANG Kitty Kitty

Will I hear from you again?
On whether
you get your act together.
On whether you run.
On whether we have a shot
or you're off
like a gun.
Is that all you were here for?
Did any of this mean
anything more
than a case of curiosity
killing the cat -
a pity -
because without Kitty
you've no 'score'
to settle and should I
settle for you?
BANG Kitty Kitty
Pussy Galore?
Is that all you were here for?
Light banter and hardcore?
trussed up as a girlfriend?
like what you wanted was something
BANG Kitty Kitty
I've got a score
to settle
but a score is 20
- more lives than you've got.
But I gave you a shot.
And I'll give you another.
BANG BANG Kitty Kitty
Bye bye lover.

Thursday, October 15, 2020

Same ol' Song

There was a time,
potential lover,
when your disappearance,
would've seen me,
head some
search party,
around bushes,
- and why -
you've gone.

But my dear?
I've grown
too strong
to give in
to that same ol' song.

I can admit
I was wrong
to commit -
push headlong.
I can sit
all alone.


And I knew
when I last heard
from you
it would be
the last word
would hear from me.
I knew you
were already

Same ol' song.
Same ol' song.

I could
sing along
- and I would -
if I thought
it'd change things.

But the tune
set in stone
stays the same:
I'm alone.
Though this time
I refuse to be
This time
I refuse
to waste my breath
humming the tune
of "our" death.

Same ol' song.
Same ol' song.

If, in your absence,
you ask
if I've wandered
the paths
in search of our last
encounter -
Well, I'd counter:
have you?

Are you humming the song
or beating the bush
are you searching the signs
and trying to push
for an ending that doesn't
quite end?

Are you seeking
a friend?
A savior?
Love from a stranger?
I finally see the danger
in that

So this party -
of pity? Or search? -
I won't attend.
Same ol' song.
Same ol' song.
Has to end.