Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The DiCaprio Effect

He's beloved by millions.

He sleeps with supermodels.

Oscar is a' courting this year.

And I? Hate his face.

Yup. That's right.

I can appreciate DiCaprio's acting talent, sure, but every time he appears onscreen - despite my sister's cries of adoring ecstasy - I cannot help but want to punch him in the mouth.

Such is my revulsion, I've dubbed the reaction "The DiCaprio Effect."

And it applies to every iteration of actor/tress, politician, somehow otherwise famous person, whose very visage incites the difficult-to-supress urge to begin swinging at the nose/tooth area.

Other offenders of The DiCaprio Effect? Joaquin Phoenix. Mickey Rooney. Dick Van Dyke. Matthew McConaughey. Hayden Pani...however you spell it. (I'd look it up, but Google'd include a picture of her, and then the punching would commence.)

Are these people talented? Yes. NOW LEMME AT 'EM!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not calling these folks ugly - lookin' at YOU, Amanda Bynes. Speaking of, Amanda Bynes? Definitely DiCaprio Effect material - it's rather just a gut reaction. Some inexplicable, uncontrollable urge to muss the puss.

And I know I can't be alone in this.

So go ahead, internet trolls. Have a field day.

Who makes your DiCaprio Effect list?

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

My job is really glamorous, so you know...

Know this - I'm editing an entry for Itsa Chair.

That's the product name.



*I hate people

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Hell "Hoth" frozen over!

And when my naked hand grasped the cold metal of the petrol pump, it felt as if I were enduring the Gom Jabbar!