Saturday, December 10, 2016


I am in my new house (the one in which I currently live) and expecting company - Calvin - my hairstylist (who, in real life, I had just spoken with that day about purchasing a wig because so much of my hair has fallen out). Calvin arrives, but I am falling asleep and would like to stay asleep (even in the dream, I realize how precious sleep is, because even in the dream I remember I can never sleep bc of my brain damage).

So I am alternating at this point between trying to sleep and trying to entertain Calvin/show him around.

We go upstairs and Reba Olcott is there. (Reba is a friend from The Mayo Clinic pain management program, where I spent all of last April, being treated like a non-compliant hypochondriac). Calvin is in another room, so I continue the tour with Reba.

The house morphs and somewhat resembles a home I lived in at the end of high school.

We go into a room that is within the house where my brothers, sister and I lived previously (small), but in this dream it is a very large spare bedroom with walls made out of the drop-down ceiling material. I remember even in the dream being impressed at how large this spare bedroom was.

I go into the room and above the bed there is a lofted space with another bed. This shocks me. I never knew it was there before, but I smile. "This was Madison's secret room" or something like that I say to Reba.

For those who do not know, Madison is my sister who passed away in a car accident in 2007 when she was only 16.

At this point Calvin joins us just as I am wondering how to get up to Madison's room.

I see what appears to be a wire way up to the lofted bedroom on the back of the closet door, which most people would just hang shoes on. It was a shoe rack, but somehow I could climb it? I use that to climb up.

Calvin and Reba cheer me on from the ground, as suddenly the staircase becomes, like, some sort of bungee/highwire thing that I use to swing up to Madison's lofted bedroom.

When I get up there, there is a clear glass jar encased inside a giant grandfather clock. The clock is ticking, but I am staring into the vase, as I see Madison's reflection - a reflection of a picture she took in high school which now is carved into her tombstone - reflecting at me through the vase.

"Madison is here!," I say. I look down at Calvin and Reba - "Can you see her? She's right there! Can you see her?"

They both answer that no, they cannot.

I need to say here that this was a reflection of a picture - Madison was not trying to actually communicate with me in any way...

But then I saw it - from the urn inside the grandfather clock - there was a vein pulsing in Madison's neck. And the vein got bigger and bigger and bigger - pulsing as if it was going to explode.

And I realized, it was not a vein, it was MY GOITER - the one I developed back in September when the thyroid problems started coming on.

I woke, terrified.

I am frightened of what this means.

I am frightened it means my time on earth is limited, and something having to do with the goiter or some other part of my illness (the sleep, the pain stuff) is going to kill me. Or leave me bed bound, as I was in a secret bedroom.

I know it sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but Madison hasn't appeared in one of my dreams since right after she died. And the context of this dream was not comforting. It was not healing. It was terrifying.

And there is so much symbolism - the clock, the urn, the tombstone picture, the bedroom in the sky...

Clock, urn, bedroom in the sky - is this a death omen?

Does anyone out there have the power to interpret dreams?

1 comment:

  1. Freud: body-house; Jung: soul- house; upstairs= conscious soul, downstairs+ unconscious soul. Going from the dark to the light means going from unawareness to awareness