Thursday, December 8, 2016

And you can tell everybody that this is your song

I have a debilitating chronic illness that I fear will kill or forever disable me.

That said, I am the luckiest woman alive.

See, in His infinite wisdom, God saw fit to grant me YOU.

You, friends, at whose wisdom, caring, compassion, patience, parenting skills, generosity I marvel.

Sincerely, I sit in awe of you.

I spend the hours that I am not terrified being instead humbled and amazed.

I know some people who are truly so remarkable that they may - and must - be among the greatest on the planet.

That is not hyperbole.

Shit situations tend to bring out the best and/or the worst in people.

And make no mistake, I am in a shit situation.

But from this situation I have gained perspective.

Not that I didn't know that you were amazing before... but perhaps my new situation gave me more time to truly ruminate on it. And gave you chances to shine through my darkness.

Either way...

As I type, I think of those persons who passed on before me and the lessons they taught. The bravery they showed. And I hope to one day even be a pale imitation of their example.

I think of those whose lives, lived however briefly, nonetheless had a profound impact on me.

And I am grateful.

I am grateful to those of you who stepped up and forward when I got sick - offering support from sometimes the most surprising of places.

I thank you.

As I type, I have friends going through the greatest of adversities - one friend suffered the loss of her husband and then was robbed within the same month. Her resilience is astonishing.

Another friend is donating a body part to a complete stranger.

Given a thousand lifetimes, I will never be able to fully comprehend that level of compassion. Or why someone so spectacular has found it in her heart to love me.

Another friend fought her way through every kind of abuse and through homelessness to become the first college graduate in her family. And though it was a different fight than my own, I hope one day I can show even one iota of her strength.

I have a student in my life who has grown into the most incredible young woman. As smart and beautiful as she is brave, it is a goal of mine to one day be actually deserving of her admiration.

And then there are a few who have stepped out from the shadows to offer me kindness and support when they know I am not able to return it. Each of you taught me the meaning of true, selfless caring and compassion.

It is through YOU I have seen God's grace.

For the past year and a half I have prayed over and over and heard nothing.

I have felt God abandon me to my fate.

But when I look to the left and right of me, I see the Gifts of the Spirit shining through people who, for whatever reasons, were placed in my life, and my resentment turns to gratitude.

I passionately love each and every one of you.

I stand in awe of you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

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