My first "wedding photos" were staged by a director and a DP.
Surrounded by strangers, judging my "angles."
No friendly face to tell me I looked radiant.
No mother's eyes awash in pride-filled tears.
I wasn't spinning before a mirror, breathless at how lucky I was to have found my match, and to know that one special day he'd see me in this special gown.
Instead I was crying in a back dressing room.
Wearing my grandmother's engagement ring, the reality of this fake situation hit me like a ton of bricks: I was alone. I had no prospects of an actual marriage. All of this - ALL OF IT - was just for show. I was a doll. A doll that could pretend to be happy. A doll that could spin and flounce and beam, wide-eyed at the prospect of a fake marriage to a nonexistent husband.
This was a dream - a dream I'd never even dared to dream or role play as a child. A dream I knew full well I might never wake to. And here I was, being payed a rate to enact an experience I had heretofore not allowed myself to even imagine.
The first time I tried on a bridal gown was on a film set.
And I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
"I remember reading this thing that Elizabeth Taylor wrote. She had her first kiss in character. On a movie set. It really struck me. I don't know how or why, but I had this sense that if I wasn't really careful, that could be me. That my first kiss could be in somebody else's clothes. And my experiences could all belong to someone else." - Emma Watson