Monday, September 3, 2012

Salvation is Gay and Died in 1900

I am somewhat saddened by Oscar Wilde's status as a gay man.

Somehow, that he died almost 100 years before I was even born never seemed to be an obstacle to our incontrovertible destiny of a lifetime spent side by side--evenings on the front porch, waxing philosophic on literary brilliance (coffee and cigars involved), days spent pouring over the works of the Masters...our brilliant children going on to to be sole saviors of the contemporary literate...

Yes. Death and the subsequent decay were mere setbacks to my plan...

But while at least part of me continues to believe that I can alter both space and time to make this marriage work, I fear our kismet has been met with an unopposable obstacle.

You see, my soulmate is gay.

And while I love gay men and would still bend time, move space, conquer death and battle the decay with copious amounts of Pet Formula Febreeze, it seems no amount of godlike power can turn the man's tastes.

Which sucks for you people.

'Cause who's gonna save you from yourselves now?

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