Thursday, September 13, 2012

Opportunity Knocks?

Missed opportunities give me fits.

It's only 11 a.m., and already I've missed four...and those are just the obvious ones I can count.

In this life there are so many things dependent upon so many other things which are, in turn, contingent on other things and...whoa. All of the sudden, I need some Excedrin Migraine.

How in the world are we--mere mortals--expected to navigate the snake-infested waters of chance, while most of us are too busy flailing about, sans flotation devices, with nary an idea of how to swim?

Forget medal placement, I'm just tryin' to survive here!

As of this moment, I have left the house only once today. In that time, I witnessed the following scenarios and resisted my impulse to act. Had I acted on each impulse? Well, let's just say we might have had another "sweet pussy" situation on our hands.

1. The security officer at my therapist's building was standing alone, looking forlorn and singing to the radio. I had just had a waking dream/fantasy about starting a true-life musical on the streets with a random stranger when I encountered this officer. My impulse was to speak to her...or, at the very least, join in her song and make real the fantasy in which I had just indulged...but I did neither. Why? Because I was in a hurry. Things to do...

2. Upon exiting my therapist's office, I encountered the same officer. Engaged in the same activity. To the same results. Why didn't I act this time? Cowardice, most likely. Though I told myself it was because my feet hurt too much to dance. Note to all: NEVER let your feet hurt too much to dance. Blisters? Fatigue? Bunions? Dance anyway.

3. I passed a rather dumpy young student on the street. She was wearing a "Rent" t-shirt and carrying a large lunch bag. When she saw me, she looked down. Eyes down, chin down. I could tell she wanted to melt into the pavement. I wanted to smile at her, but I knew she wouldn't have seen it. As we passed, I resisted the urge to literally touch her arm, smile and tell her to lift her chin up. That everything was going to be okay. But I walked on by. Opportunity to brighten someone's day? Missed.

4. While approaching my car, I noticed I was also approaching a strikingly handsome young man with broad shoulders and lovely, lovely...well, everything. Our eyes met. But I didn't say anything. We passed. I reached my car and felt that know the one...when someone is watching you. I turned and looked at Pretty. He turned, full blushed, and smiled. And then? My dumb ass got in the car. Why? I told myself it was the blister I'd developed from my insistence on inappropriate but enviable footwear. Really, it was just because I wanted to get home to my humdrum life and not take any chances today.

5. On my way home, as I took a cat and nine tails to my mind for missing so many opportunities, I passed a camera crew. Within walking distance of my house. But I didn't stop to offer my services. I didn't great them and "network." I just drove right on by. Why? Because it was easier. And, my friends, because I am a coward.

For as much as I talk about capre diem-ing the shit out of life, I am, at my core, a lazy goodfornothing who'd prefer to sit in her kitsch-glam apartment writing her observations on life rather than actually going out and living it.

The proof? I should walk up the street and hit up that camera crew. But instead I'm gonna do my dishes. I'm gonna wash my work uniform. I'm gonna shower and put on clothes and engage in the same ol' routine 'cause it's comfortable and 'cause I'm lazy.

I'm gonna do everything as I've always done...and then wonder why nothing ever changes.

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