Monday, May 21, 2012


There comes a point when not even Guatemala can save you.

I think I may have reached that point.

The Buddhists will tell you that turmoil is inside...that we often look to the external contributing factors to explain our struggles when, in truth, the roots of those struggles lie in jealousy, fear and inadequacy--all of which lurk right here inside of lil' ol' you and me.

I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to put that down on e-paper. I'm pretty sure I don't care.

See, I'm here to say the things all of you think but most of you are too proud or too afraid to utter. (It's likely bad form to call one's readership a bunch of pussies. Again, not caring so much right now.)

Yesterday, I lamented those aspects of my life that have put me under considerable strain--no job, relationship woes, fear, fear, feary, fear, fear, fear. But the thing is, I've HAD a job before. I was still stressed. The stresses were just different. I've HAD a relationship before. I was still stressed. The stresses were just different. I've HAD fear, fear, feary, fear, fear, fear before and (you guessed it!) I got a couple of piercings and jumped out of a plane.

Knowing that is all well and good...but what do I do now?

As I have no pressing desire for more piercings and I've already plummeted toward earth at astonishing speeds, I'm not sure what to do from here. I've read the books. I've seen the therapists. And, as much as they want to tell me the issue is with my wardrobe...I'm pretty sure the issue lies somewhere else.

Peace has to come from the mind. But mine's in pieces.

1 comment:

  1. This reminds me of V for Vendetta, in which V strips everything away from Evie that she was afraid to lose in her secular world. Once all that was taken, her fear went away and what replaced it was a strengthened and reflexive calm coupled with brimming confidence because suddenly she knew what was truly important to her.