Thursday, May 17, 2012


If I do not get this job, I am joining the Peace Corps.

If I join the Peace Corps, I am going to Guatemala.

And this begins my newest catchphrase: Guatemala.

When someone pisses you off on the interstate: "Guatemala!" When something doesn't go your way: "Guatemala!" When the blood from your stumped toe draws circling great white sharks which you would punch in the face if your arms weren't already cordoned behind your back and your SCUBA tank is running out of compressed air: "GUATEMALA!GUATEMALA!GUATEMALA!"


Because Guatemala is the place you go when you just can't take it anymore.

Dense and thick and possibly full of guerillas, Guatemala is the answer to all of life's little "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" moments.

And in my average day, these occur approximately once every 3.4 hours.

So the next time life hands you a heaping handfull of F*CK THIS!, just sit back, relax, and scream "Guatemala!" at the top of your lungs. Because if life in a first-world nation blows, then speaking broken Kaqchikel and flaling your arms in a third-world nation has to be better.

Bitches, I'm packin' my bags.

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