Friday, April 13, 2012

Psalm

I prayed for a job.
You said no.

I prayed for an amazing relationship.
You said no.

I prayed for some sense of security; for something--anything--to go right.
You said no.

So, for a while there, I hated You.

...

Dear G_d: thank you for my poverty.

Seriously.

You know me better than I know myself.

In times of comfort, I'm a lazy cow.
Why put off 'til tomorrow what I can put off for the rest of my G_d-given life?

When I have money, I don't strive.
Success makes me lazy.
Failure makes me fight.

Dear G_d: thank you for my fight.

If you hadn't taken everything I had, I never would have gained what I have.
If you hadn't taken my condo, I wouldn't now be living in the area of town that has made me happier and more inspired than I have ever been.
If you hadn't taken my relationship, I never would have had the peace of mind to pursue what I really want, as opposed to sacrificing my wants on the altar of someone else's happiness and, relatedly, I wouldn't have had the time to discover what it is that I really need from another human being.
If you hadn't taken my job, I never would have had the drive to pursue my Masters degree. I never would have met these people. I never would have taken on these amazing projects. I never would have been on the radio. I never would have interviewed Ted Turner. I never would have made my own movie.

I'd still be lost.

Every day is a struggle.

But I am getting stronger.

I feel that now, for the first time in my life.

Thank you for forcing me to do things I know I couldn't--or wouldn't--have done on my own.

Now, every time I get my bank statement and lament, I remember that J.K. Rowling (*bows in reverence) had to be broke as fuck before she wrote "Harry Potter." And, from what I've heard, that endeavor worked out pretty well for her...

I used to cry all the time, but now I know You've got this.

You've got me.

And You made me to fight when all is lost.

So, seriously, thanks for making me broke as fuck.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wWa1_0XkDY

1 comment:

  1. You, my dear girl, have reached your epiphany. Your turning point where all of the wretched, terrible things you've been experiencing have finally found meaning. You are now on the road to bigger and better things. Just watch. Things will start changing for you soon... ;) Love you girl!!!!!

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