Friday, February 24, 2012

Candy Ruins Your Teeth

I will never be a priest.

Obvious gender conflicts aside, I just don't see the appeal.
I mean, sure you get the love and respect of your flock. You get the soul salve of knowing you are, if true to your mission, doing some good in the world. And you get to wear a black dress all the time, so no one can even tell when you are having one of your "fat days."

But are love, respect, philanthropy and comfortable fashions really worth the trade off?

Poverty? No thanks.
Celibacy? I'll pass.
Chastity? Not a chance.

Whatever happened to absolute power? To that time where being in the service of Our Lord and the Catholic Church meant accepting and pocketing indulgences, taking private mistresses, plotting the ascension or ruin of kings, manipulating the politic and generally speaking running afoul of all of God's laws in the name of piety, righteousness and the papacy?

In other words, the good old days...

The days wherein I would've wandered about the most prestigious institutions in all Europe and had everyone bow to me. The days where I would allow the impoverished and the starving to kiss my bejeweled hand. The days when I could have illegitimate children with multiple women but would refuse, under God's law and by His authority, to grant you a divorce. The days when, rather than debate with those smarter than me (*ahem* Galileo), I could just have said insurgeant excommunicated as a heretic. Or burned at the stake.

THAT, my friends, is a clergy I'D sign up for.
The days when absolute power corrupted absolutely.
And I would fancy myself the most corrupted one.

But now?
Now with the media reporting on every indiscretion?
Now with so many religious options aside from the one true church?
Now with no social and political power to manipulate the course of human events?

Eh. I have to respectfully decline. I just don't see anything in it for me. And besides, I've already got a loose black dress anyway.

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