I'd like to say that I once had dreams and goals and ambitions.
And that I lost them.
Likely through some terrible tragedy...Terrible tragedies, it seems, are always the impetus for such things.
And--for those of you steeped in irony on this Friday afternoon--they also seem to function as the impetus for getting out of said lost state.
Tragedies--they get you in, they get you out.
I may copyright that.
But the truth is, it wasn't a terrible tragedy that duel impetized (a word also now copyrighted) my lack of direction.
I never had one.
Sure, I wanted to accept an Oscar. I'd look amazing, of course. In high school the Oscar would have been for Best Actress. Here lately, for Best Screenplay. Either way, I'd have the tears and the fabulous dress and the witty-yet-heartfelt acceptance speech that all the rags would clamor for.
I just ended a sentence in a preposition. Not my finest hour. Never going to win an Oscar that way. Or a Pulitzer Prize.
Not that they've offered me one.
Guess you could say I am in a weird place.
I know what I like...I just don't know what I want to do.
I've always struggled with it.
So "do what you like," right?
That's the conventional wisdom.
So let's see. What I like:
Writing, writing, writing
So I could do--boats. Can one "do" a noun? More commonly, one "does" verbs. I shall have to work on this.
I could do--crossword puzzles. And I do. And they are fun. And I have yet to receive a paycheck from one. Perhaps this option is not financially viable.
I could do theatre. I DO do theatre. And yet my family still frets that I have no direction. I guess playing the bimbo in various musicals and holiday shows doesn't count as "direction."
I could do literature--but I think the eligibility requirements mandate that I have been dead for at least 100 years by now.
Dancing. Like that. Still do it. But my boobs are too big (Thanks for that assessment Atlanta Ballet!).
Acting--Lord love it, I'm trying.
Writing, writing, writing--what do you think I'm currently doing, doing doing?
My friends--can't do them. It'd be awkward.
My family--even more so.
I could do travel. I want to do travel. But--and I am breaking down for mush here--what good is it to see the world if you have no one to share it with? Ok, I can't meditate on that...
So I think you may be starting to see my conundrum. (Yes, Kiff, we have one). I have some spectacular interests that bring me to spectacular people. I just don't seem to have an internal compass that tells me which way to point.
I am sans compass.
No compass pas.
And I've never been much good at astrology.
Which pretty much leaves me here:
At the juxtaposition of 1 across-- clue:"The subject of this essay"--4 letters--answer: "Erin" and 1 down-- clue:"The meaning of life", I think I have found the answer.